


The List

by cinagray



Series: The List [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinagray/pseuds/cinagray
Summary: After a near-death experience Cas can't seem to get out into the world again. Finally his brother forces him into a morning into a beach that changes everything.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: The List [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688281
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	The List

“How are you doing on your list?” Gabriel asked.

“I don’t know. Over half done.”

“Okay, so what are you doing to finish more? You haven’t marked one off in, like, a month.”

Cas stirred his oatmeal to look busy, but he really just wanted his brother to leave for work already.

“You told me to stay on you about this. You wouldn’t leave the hospital until I agreed.”

“I know.” Cas’s voice betrayed him. He wanted to be angry, insistent, tell his brother to leave him the fuck alone, but he also knew that Gabriel was right. He had insisted like a child, and Gabriel of course agreed.

“So do something okay? Pick one and do it.”

Cas dropped his spoon into the bowl and the handle clattered against the ceramic. He heard a heavy sigh behind him and then Gabriel’s hand light on his shoulder.

“Cas, just… maybe just leave the apartment today, okay? Just for like an hour?”

Cas didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Gabriel already knew Cas would go back to bed the instant he left and he’d still be there when Gabriel got home. Cas waited for his brother to give up, and he did, though he took longer than usual. Gabriel sighed again and grabbed his bag from the table.

“See you later,” he called over his shoulder.

Cas didn’t move until Gabriel was out the door and then he was quick to dump his oatmeal and rinse the bowl before heading back to his room. All he needed was Netflix and his bed and he’d call it a successful day.

*************

A week later Gabriel talked Cas into running to the corner for eggs and when he got back there was a room full of people. Their other siblings Anna and Jimmy, Jimmy’s wife Amelia, Cas’s friend Meg…

“Why are you here, Jimmy?” Cas asked as he put the eggs in the fridge.

“Come sit,” Jimmy patted the place on the couch next to him.

Cas did, but as he moved into place he looked around at everyone. No one really met his eyes except Jimmy and Gabriel. His anxiety ramped up at an alarming rate and his heart started to pound.

“What is this?”

“We just wanted to talk, Cas,” Anna said. “We’re all worried about you.”

“About what? I’m fine.”

Jimmy started. “It’s been ten months since the--“

“Since I almost died? Since I almost--“ Cas shot up from where he’d been sitting. Jimmy copied his twin brother’s movement, but Cas was shaking. “You don’t know. None of you know. And I--“ Cas was breathing so hard he couldn’t keep talking. Everyone there had been at the hospital. They saw him with the vent down his throat and his ribs in pieces. And while they all cared none of them  _ knew _ .

Cas realized they were all staring at him, waiting for him to finish what he’d started. “I’m dealing with this the best I can.”

“By shutting down.” Gabriel said. “You said you have things to do, and we’re going to make sure you get to all of them.”

“I was wrong about that.”

“No, you weren’t.” Jimmy said. “You wanted to do those things for a reason. So let’s pick something and get it going.” He put an arm around Cas and it was the first time in forever that Cas had let anyone touch him like that.

“I don’t know,” Cas said. “I’m not sleeping, so…”

“We’ll get help for that.”

Cas didn’t say anything, but they were all waiting on him so he nodded. Relief flooded the entire room for everyone but Cas. But at least Jimmy was here. That was something.

Amelia went to stay with Anna that night and Jimmy stayed with Cas. He tucked into bed next to Cas and slung an arm over him like they had slept together when they were kids.

“We just want you to get back to normal, Cas.” he whispered in the dark.

“What’s that exactly?”

“Back to your life. Your work-“

“I almost died. I can’t just do the same thing.”

“You can.”

“Then let’s go back to how it was before the accident. You can still live here and--“

“Stop that.” Jimmy was gentle but firm. “You know I had to go for my job.”

“But I need you here.”

Jimmy didn’t say anything and for a minute Cas thought they were done. He’d pushed too far, too hard. But he did need him close. Everything was so much harder without Jimmy there to forge ahead where Cas was timid.

“Come to Pensacola with us. You can stay with me and Amelia.”

“She doesn’t want that.”

“She loves you, Cas. She came all the way up here to help.”

Cas wasn’t so sure, but Jimmy would be there so he agreed.

*********

“Fucking boxes.” Cas muttered. He didn’t have much and Gabriel packed it and shipped it for him, but now he had to unpack. He was loath to really unpack; Amelia had made it clear that he was “borrowing” the “nursery” for the baby they weren’t yet expecting.

He stacked them enough to have room to walk. He’d have to unpack the clothes later… or maybe not. Wardrobe was different here than in Illinois.

Jimmy poked his head in the doorway. “You’re leaving the house when I leave for work, remember? Every day. And you can come back at lunch.”

Jimmy shuffled Cas out the door, ignoring muttered curse words and he grinned at his brother when they were both buckled. “It’s going to be a great day, Cas.”

“Fuck you, Jimmy.”

Jimmy laughed and started driving. They were at the beach in just a few minutes and he practically kicked Cas out of the car with his backpack and promised to be back around noon.

_ What the fuck am I supposed to do now? _

Cas started walking. It was a public beach, but it was also a Tuesday. Kids were still in school, but some families were there on vacation so there were people around, but not many. Jimmy had packed for him like he was a kid- a banana, a bottle of water, a notebook, pens--even twenty bucks. Cas used it to pay for a chair and an umbrella. He’d sit on his ass all morning and then Jimmy would be happy because he’d been outside the house.

Cas pulled out the notebook and froze before he opened it. It was his notebook from the hospital. The one where he wrote when he wasn’t allowed to talk yet because of the trauma he’d taken to his throat. The one where he begged Gabriel to help him. Begged Jimmy to stay. Started the list of things he had never done that he was determined to do.

_ Visit the East coast. _

_ Go to Europe. _

_ Ask a stranger out. _

_ Finish my book. _

_ Stop waiting for time to do things. _

Cas threw the notebook back in his bag. All he had energy for today was sitting there on the beach, waiting for Jimmy to come back.

A spray of sand hit him in the face and Cas swiped at his face, swearing as he spit some out of his mouth.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it to go so far.”

Cas blinked up at the guy and his heart stopped. Hair bleached blonde by hours and hours in the sun, freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose, bright green eyes fully engaged with him. He bit his lower lip and when Cas didn’t say anything back he asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Cas choked out.

“Oh, good. I’m sorry. I over--um…” The blonde god grinned and Cas couldn’t breathe. He sat next to Cas in the sand and extended a hand. “I’m Dean.”

“Castiel. I mean, Cas. Call me Cas.” He shook Dean’s hand limply, still staring.

“Okay, Cas. Here on vacation?”

“Um, no. I just moved here.”

“Oh, good.” Dean grinned again and Cas found a smile perking up his own mouth. “Maybe I’ll see you around then. I’m here most mornings before work.”

“What do you do?” Cas asked.

“I mostly teach scuba diving classes. Train new lifeguards, swimming lessons, surfing--that kind of stuff.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.”  _ Stupid! Use your words! _ Cas shook his head a little bit.

“So um. Anyway. It was nice to meet you, Cas.” Dean smiled again, grabbed his volleyball and stood up. As he walked away Cas stared, and when Jimmy came to pick him up Cas was ready to go.

“Got some sun?” Jimmy asked.

“Sure.”

“Did you look at your list?”

“I want to take scuba diving lessons.”

Jimmy laughed. “What?”

“You want me to leave the house. I’ll do scuba diving.”

Jimmy glanced at him, and Cas read the look as relief. “Okay. Find a class and we’ll get you there.”

***********

He called six places before he found one with a Dean that taught scuba diving. He signed up for the beginner class for Thursday morning and promptly panicked.

“Cas. Dinner.” Jimmy rapped on the door twice before he opened it. Cas hadn’t moved from his bed since he made the phone calls, and he didn’t really want to leave even for food. But it was Jimmy asking him and he could do dinner for Jimmy.

Amelia was already at the table. They ate quietly until Jimmy opened his big mouth about scuba diving.

“Really?” She asked. “I didn’t think you would be interested in something like that.”

“I am.” Cas said. He wasn’t going to give up any details if he didn’t have to. So what if he was going for the hot instructor with the amazing smile and freckles spread over his face? He wondered how far those freckles went and then blushed furiously.

“Are you okay?” Jimmy asked gently.

“Yeah. The class is on Thursday.”

“Good.” Jimmy smiled at him. “I’m glad you found something to do from your list.”

“Yeah,” Cas let them believe that scuba diving was on his list.

************

“What do you mean the class is cancelled?” Cas demanded.

“Sorry, dude. We only had three people in the class in the first place and the other two cancelled. We don’t have classes for one person.”

“Oh, come on, Garth.” Dean appeared through the doorway behind the checkout counter, grinning at Cas. “I’m sure we can make an exception. He already paid, right?”

“I’ll refund him.”

“What else am I supposed to do with my afternoon?” Dean asked?

Garth shrugged. “Beats me. But no class. Sorry.” He said to Cas as he typed a few things into his register. “Do you have the credit card you used to pay for the class?”

Cas started to pipe up again, but Dean put up a calming hand and Cas backed down.

“So I guess I’m not working this afternoon after all,” Dean said with a wink.

Cas pulled the card from his wallet and handed over his card. “And I guess I don’t have class so… Wanna…?”

“Yes.” Dean smiled wide and Cas’s knees went watery.

Garth handed the card back and before Cas got it back in his wallet Dean was around the counter next to him.

“See you tomorrow,” Dean said to Garth as he met Cas’s eyes. He gestured to the door with his head, eyebrows up like they were asking if Cas wanted to come. Cas nodded and led the way out. The door closed behind them and Dean touched his shoulder lightly.

“Do you want to eat somewhere? Or walk? or we can find a place to sit.” Dean said as he led him down the steps and into the parking lot.

“Are we.. is this…”

“A date? Sure.” Dean’s smile came easy and Cas found himself relaxing. “Unless you booked a class with me completely by accident.”

Cas colored across his cheeks. “Um, not an accident.”

Dean laughed and Cas knew he had to get that sound out of him again. Cas laughed a little too. “Um, whatever you want to do then. I don’t know anything about this place.”

“Okay. I know a place.” Dean started down the sidewalk. The ocean was on their right side and they walked a long way down the sidewalk before Dean veered off. The restaurant had a giant deck full of tables, but it was pretty much empty. A pitcher of margaritas later they were laughing again, and Cas knew he had to figure it all out quick before he made a fool of himself.

“I guess I can successfully check you off my list now.”  _ Too late. Shit. _

“Your list?” Dean laughed, but gave Cas a weird look.

“I mean… um…” Cas stuttered through, but finally stopped himself. “I have a list.”

“And I’m on it.”

“Well not you exactly, but yes. I needed to ask out a stranger.”

“Oh.” Dean kept the smile, but something about him faded and Cas rushed to fix it.

“I almost died.” 

Dean’s eyes went wide and Cas waved him off. “It was a while ago. And I made a list of things to do if I lived and I don’t really go out so… anyway. We met on the beach the other day and all I knew was that I had to see you again and my brother was bothering me about the list.”

Dean nodded along with Cas’s long ramble. “Can I see it?”

“What?”

“The list. Maybe I can help.” Dean scooted his chair up close to Cas.

“You’re not really on the list, Dean,” Cas said. “I just wanted… I wanted to see you.”

Dean laughed. “Why?”

Cas shrugged. What could he say that wouldn’t sound creepy? “The way you looked at me like-- like I’m real.”

Dean scooted back in his seat, his spine a little stiffer and Cas knew suddenly that he had ruined it all.

“Why would anyone look at you like you weren’t?”

Cas sank into himself. He couldn’t say this, if he said it--

“Cas. Talk to me. I want to know you.”

Cas took a deep breath before he started, and he decided that no matter how Dean took it, the risk had been worth it just to be able to spend the afternoon with him. “I haven’t really left my brother Gabriel’s apartment ever since the accident. So they all look at me like… I don’t know. Like I’m broken. So my brother Jimmy brought me here to try to get me to do more. To conquer the list.”

“So when you were at the beach you were doing something on the list?”

“Not really--my brother just wanted me to get out of the house.”

“Well the beach is the best place to do that.” Dean looked down and Cas waited for whatever excuse he would use to leave.

“It’s okay. What you’re doing. You’re just staying out of the way because your life went crazy. Nothing wrong with doing that for a while.”

“What?”

Dean chuckled. “I mean it. You had a big trauma. It’s okay to take a timeout for a while.”

“Tell that to my family.” Cas muttered.

Dean dropped an arm around the back of Cas’s chair. “I get to meet your family?” He leaned toward Cas.

Cas laughed, the buzz from the margaritas helping him along. “Do you want to?”

“Yes,” Dean said. He reached for Cas’s chin and directed it toward him. When he kissed him Cas lost every bit of breath in him in a sudden rush. Dean’s lips were soft and gentle, and when he licked at Cas’s lips Cas opened for him, suddenly greedy for this man.

When Dean pulled back they were both gasping. “Cas, you want to go out with me again tonight? Or stay out with me? Or whatever you--“

“Yes.”

Dean laughed. “Which one?”

“All of it,” Cas said, and he kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic from 2016, except with better punctuation!
> 
> I wrote this fic for a prompt from unforth-- which I believe was about scuba diving. There is another fic in this little series that I'll try to post quickly.
> 
> I'm cinagray on tumblr/discord/AO3; tellthenight on pillowfort


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